13 Easy Ways to Avoid Awkward Conversations
Everyone is faced with awkward conversations and moments when the right thing is to be said. While awkward conversations may seem challenging, they may be good opportunities to practice small conversations and conflict management— especially if you live with a social anxiety disorder (SAD). By planning ahead, knowing when to use a little humor, you can learn to cope with awkward conversations.
This post will cover some of the simplest ways to easily avoid awkward conversations and sometimes avoid them at all costs. Try these 13 tips to get through your next awkward conversation:
1 | Understand Awkwardness
Manage the situation by knowing the origin of your uneasiness. There may be lots of long silences, or the other person may have a strong opinion other than yours. Identify the cause for the awkwardness, and finding a solution will be one step closer.
If the other person just said something surprising, it's okay to answer, "I'm thinking about what you've been saying," to give yourself time to process the information.
2 | Maintain The Conversation Flow
There is a reason why you may feel uncomfortable with long silences. One study carried out in 2010 and published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology Research published by the University of Groningen in the Netherlands found that fluent conversations contribute to feelings of self-esteem, social recognition, and group membership.
Do as much as you can to maintain the conversation and keep it going, and feel more comfortable with both you and your discussion partner. It is more about ‘making music together,’ than finding the perfect thing to say. To learn more about conversation flow, read my most popular article - Fail-Proof Formula To Charismatic Conversations.
3 | Find The Humor
Consider doing something to lighten the mood if a conversation has become uncomfortable. You can do this by sharing a funny joke or anecdote, having fun poking at yourself, or finding the humor in your present situation. Maintaining the light of mood will help break the ice and push forward the discussion.
4 | Agree To Compromise
Often, because of differences, discussions become uncomfortable. Do try to find a solution in these circumstances. Practice the other person's compassion to try to understand how he or she sees the situation differently from you. This can allow you to consider the point of view of the other person without having to change your own. The easy way to do this is to follow the ASCC method:
5 | Listen & Paraphrase
If in a discussion, you don't know what to say, just try to reflect on what you hear from the other person. If a new school friend is upset about an assignment's poor grade, say something like, "It sounds like you're really upset about your project grade." Sometimes people are just interested to know that their feelings are heard rather than being given solutions to their problems. It also relieves you of the need to think about what to do next. Mirroring someone else’s emotional state also helps to establish instant rapport.
6 | Ask A Question
You may be in an awkward conversation because you don't really know anything about the other person. It is best to ask questions in these situations to try to find mutual interests that can turn into conversations.
When you know you're going to be in a situation where you're going to talk to strangers, try planning at least three open-ended "go-to" questions (starting with "why" and "what") you can use if you're going into an awkward conversation. Try something easy like, "So, what's going to keep you busy these days?"
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7 | Dig Deeper
Come up with questions to dig deeper into a topic discussed in a conversation earlier, clarify misunderstandings, and show you are paying attention to the other person. Just take caution not to ask too many questions in a row, or you might find yourself as a questioner. Author of How To Win Friends & Influence People said it best:
“To be interesting, be interested.”
— DALE CARNEGIE
8 | Offer New Topics
New topics for discussion are ideal for conversation lulls. Have some of these ready to come out the next time you feel that no one else has anything to say. Many examples of topics include - popular TV shows, something you all have in common (like an upcoming school test), and current events. Make sure the subject you are discussing is something that will appeal to your discussion partners.
New topics are also perfect for a little conversation with strangers. Even worldly things like the weather can be good starting places. You may even consider doing some detective work in order to find out who you are going to meet and ask some questions specific to your interests. It's also a great way to talk about something different and give a genuine compliment (such as a clothing item or hairstyle).
9 | Be Assertive
It is significant to stand up for yourself if you find yourself in a conversation with a person who is rude, who asked you something disrespectful or made you uncomfortable. Take control by saying something assertive, like "I'd prefer not to think about it."
When you consider yourself a difficult person's target, steer the conversation away to a new subject and a new person. Be careful not to make yourself uncomfortable — or you may run the risk of ending up resentful as well as bitter in the long run.
10 | Be Quiet & Listen
Do not call for discussion in all cases. While it is true that fluent conversation between friends creates a camaraderie, if you are in public with strangers, it is not always necessary to talk.
Your seatmate on the bus or plane may not be interested in making the entire trip of small talk— and that's good. The other person gives back a lot of one-word answers, folds his or her hands, or turns back. These are indicators that he or she might just want to remain quiet.
11 | Dealing With Awkward Topics
Use patience to handle problems created by what has been said that is uncomfortable. Make the conversation turn in a different direction by saying something.
If someone interjects an uncomfortable remark in the middle of an ongoing conversation, think of pausing for a brief silence, then continuing the original discussion line instead of answering what has been said.
Leave graciously if nothing else remains to be said, or you have some other excuse to want to end a discussion, be ready and intend to do it graciously.
If someone monopolizes your time and does not permit you to finish the conversation, use an excuse such as having to get another drink as a reason to leave.
12 | Be Understanding
Many people may live with shyness or social anxiety and take longer in new situations and new people to warm up. When you feel nervous about someone because they don't know you, be kind and compassionate.
If the other person is living with a social anxiety disorder, it may be apprehension or anger that creates tension between you. Those with Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) fear shame before others, and it affects how they live their daily lives. Don't judge anyone who looks anxious, nervous, or afraid. Instead, be polite, show genuine interest by carefully listening, and find a subject of common interest to assist that person feel more comfortable.
13 | Manage Your Own Social Anxiety
As a result of your own shyness or social anxiety - conversations are awkward. Do what you can to manage these feelings. Practice social skills, read books on self-help to overcome shyness and social anxiety, and see if your depression is serious and interferes with your life. You owe it to control your thoughts to yourself and your future communication partners.
Bonus | Other Situations
Some ways to deal with uncomfortable topics are to remain silent or be upfront that you feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable because I wouldn't want others to chat like that about me. A quick, “Can we talk about something else?" is always acceptable. Awkward subjects can sometimes even be what's left unknown.
If someone is mourning a loss or a family dispute occurs, it can form an undercurrent and in a discussion, build awkwardness. The best way to cope with these situations is often to get it out of the open — in a kind and compassionate manner. Say something like, "I'm so sorry about your loss. You've got to have a hard time right now." But, when feelings are still very high (such as in a family dispute), it might be better not to spend too much time addressing the problem, or you risk opening up old issues.
Awkward subjects may also include those you have to ask about or a disturbing subject you need to explore. When you know you're going to face such an awkward situation, try to warn the other person so he or she won't be taken by surprise. Let that person know that you need to address something important and set a time for it.
To Wrap Up
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