Feel “Out Of It?" Shoot A Gratitude Gun
“HELLO! Sid, are you even listening to me?!”
My friend aggressively snaps her fingers in my face.
“Mhmm yeah, something about your mother... Right?” I reflexively replied, trying to pretend I was listening.
“Nevermind, you never pay attention to what I say...” She scowled and walked away.
What’s wrong with me?
Here I am: At a beautiful winery, with an amazing group of friends, wearing my custom Brooks Brothers navy sweater, overlooking a gorgeous landscape in the Hamptons while I swish a glass of 1987 merlot. I’m blessed with being alive, lucky, and healthy.
I am literally living my ancestors’ wildest dream.
And still, I can’t appreciate the moment because I feel out of it, not fully there. Not present.
Where was my mind wandering? What was I even thinking about? Why was I thinking about that instead of being — here. Living in the moment.
It's way easier said than done.
I have yet to meet someone who doesn't think thoughts.
Well, there's a simple discovery I made that I call the Gratitude Gun which will help you solve that exact issue and live in the present effortlessly, on-demand.
Why Is This Important?
We only feel time when we suffer.
Think about it, when you are having fun with friends — do you even think about the time?
Not at all! Instead, you often catch yourself thinking, "Damn, it’s been three hours already?"
Meanwhile, the days you feel under the weather or stuck in crappy meetings, you keep looking at your watch hoping the hour hand will spin faster the next time and think, "Shoot, it’s ONLY been thirty minutes? It’s felt like hours.”
If we were always in a state of happiness and bliss we would ALWAYS not care about time. We would always be living in the present moment.
Ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu, has a profound quote: “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
Depression is often rooted in the past. We regret something that happened and dwell on the consequences. Negative self-talk is also usually based on past events. We often spiral into should-have-could-have-would-have thought patterns when trapped in negative self-talk.
Anxiety is almost always future-based. We worry about what might happen and overthink possible future scenarios that are uncertain.
You may have heard the quote “Where your focus goes, your energy flows.” This could not be more true. When I started shifting my focus to the present moment, I realized how beautiful and transformative this practice can be.
How Does This Help Me?
No amount of regret will change your past decisions. Even if you spend your entire life thinking about what you could have done differently, it will not change anything. We all know this on an intellectual level.
However, it is one thing to know something and another to act on it.
If we truly understood that the acts of worrying, stressing, and regretting are quite literally futile, then we wouldn't continue to do it, right?
Unfortunately, this thought process is a habit developed over many years until it becomes this kind of compulsive thinking (about the past or future) is actually an addiction.
What characterizes an addiction? Quite simply this: you no longer feel that you have the choice to stop. It seems stronger than you. It also gives you a false sense of pleasure, the pleasure that invariably turns into pain; creating an illusion that you do not have any control over your negative emotions.
When you start to shift your focus to living in the moment, on what is happening at present, you will recognize how unhealthy your patterns of dwelling on the past and worrying about the future truly are.
Focusing on the present moment can have an immensely positive effect on your life.
When you start to focus on the power that the present moment holds, the path toward your goals becomes clearer. You can prioritize your time better, you will become far more in tune with your thoughts and your surroundings. Then it becomes much easier to choose the helpful thoughts and feelings to preoccupy your time with.
Living in the moment not only makes you happier, more optimistic, less depressed, and more satisfied with life overall — but being present is actually the greatest gift you can give your family.
Internal and external distractions are the biggest kryptonite to building and maintaining relationships. A study by the University of Chicago shows that by simply having a phone out on the table, people will report a lower level of connection.
You may be thinking that it's not as easy as it sounds to just stop stressing about the future and dwelling on the past.
But what if I told you that you already know all of this information and have the ability to stop any negative thought patterns right now?
There’s an easy weapon to always live in the present. Something I call the: Gratitude Gun. Keep on reading for what the Gratitude Gun is and how to use it.
4 Simple Habits That Help Me Win The Day
Do you secretly know you’re meant for so much more, but can’t seem to tap into your TRUE potential? If so, don’t wait 5 more years to figure out what to do with your life.
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The Gratitude Gun
It’s not simply a matter of saying: Oh, I’ll live in the present. You have to work at it.
Step 1: Catch your mind when it wanders—don’t let it get away from you.
Image from The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels
Once you catch yourself, 'out of it,' 'living in the future or past,’ feeling 'anxious or depressed,' or ‘not fully there,’ realize it’s not your fault — it’s human nature!
Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.
But after catching yourself, the best way to get out of that state and focus on the present is to ask yourself this one question in Step 2.
Step 2: Ask yourself, "What am I grateful for right now, in this exact moment?”
Image from The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels
Silently say to yourself specific things in your life you're grateful for, using your Gratitude Gun.
Point the proverbial gun at whatever is around you, and “shoot” at the source — the Sun, your clothes, who you are with, your drink, the weather, etc. Try to point the Gratitude Gun to items you'd normally take for granted.
Go slowly and feel the gratitude for each item. Don't use the same items repeatedly — stretch for new ones.
Why The Gratitude Gun Works
When you are in a flow state of just gratitude you CAN’T HELP but be PRESENT. This is a really powerful exercise to get yourself, ‘out of it,’ and to shift from living in the past or future, to immediately move into living in the present moment and experience what you are experiencing with full attention.
You can use the Gratitude Gun immediately whenever you are attacked by negative thoughts. Because if unchallenged, your negative thinking will just get stronger. With this method, you can quite literally shoot down your negative thoughts one by one.
My favorite place to use my Gratitude Gun is any time my mind becomes undirected — like when you're on hold on a phone call, stuck in traffic, or standing in line at the store.
For example, I was at an Indian restaurant for dinner with a friend of mine here in NYC (shout out Baar Baar NYC). As he was talking to me, I started zoning out and lost track of the conversation. Instead of listening to understand, I began listening just to respond. At that moment, I caught myself and my mind wandering, and started to shoot my Gratitude Gun at items around me, telling myself:
“I am grateful for this butter chicken, I am grateful for living in New York City, I am SUPER grateful for my new boots, I am grateful for my health, I am VERY grateful to have the money to spend on expensive dinners like this, I am truly blessed and grateful to have friends like this who care about me, I am grateful for this wine…” (while it sounds like I drink a lot of wine, I promise I really don’t lol).
And just like that — I was totally immersed in the present, fully back in the conversation, and appreciative of the moment!
To Wrap Up
Emotion literally means “disturbance.” The word comes from the Latin emovere, meaning “to disturb.” And our stray thoughts turn into emotion if they go unchecked.
Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now has a great quote: “Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within.”
We are conditioned to chase after the past and future and fear giving up that chase. Who are we if not for our past memories and future hopes?
But a great lesson from the Bhagavad Gita is detachment doesn’t mean you are nothing, it means nothing owns you.
See, when you’re living in the present moment, right here, right now, you’ll find true peace and happiness. Your perception will drive your new reality.
As gratitude unlocks the fullness of life, it turns what we have into enough, and more.
Ultimately, it’s not happiness that brings us gratitude. It’s gratitude that brings us happiness.
Make living in the moment the primary focus of your life — and make the Gratitude Gun your go-to weapon in your ongoing fight for joy.
