Are They The Problem? Or Is It You?
When you find yourself practically suffering from the same set of issues, be it at work or around friends, you may start to consider yourself as being the problem. However, if you want to know if the problem has to do with you, there are ways to know. Bear in mind that, issues arising may have something actually to do with you, if:
All the relationships you have tend to end in failure,
You tend to be the one everyone picks on/makes fun of,
You find yourself lacking respect from your peers,
Your friends are few, or the friendships you have are quite shallow,
You have a very hard time communicating with people at work,
You have a very hard time communicating with members of your family, etc.
Note that we all tend to feel this way at some points in our lives. But, if you should feel this way every day, and the issues you have with every other person that is not you tend to be endless, then the actual problem may as well be you.
How To Acknowledge The Issue
First and foremost, this is the most complex part of it all. Having a complete insight and even objectivity to realize that the actual issue is not with everyone else is not as easy as they may make it seem.
Also, the issue may be with how you get to interact with the world as well as how you are perceived by every other person. Furthermore, the issue may just be how you communicate with people.
An example is a fact that co-workers, as well as colleagues, seemingly appreciate when they are told they are doing a very good job or when they get to be recognized for their wins or accomplishments.
So, before you delve into making some requests or offering criticism, it is ideal that you start with positive remarks. When you do so, it makes the next person feel appreciated and also valued. We all love to feel the same way.
Additionally, the problem may be much more ingrained. This will demand more work on your part in a bid for you to see and change it all. You will have no choice but to take the first plunge towards transformation as no one can do it for you.
The Work To Change Yourself
One of the good news is that, if the problem is with you and not them, then the resolution also lies in you. What this means is that you can transform the direction that your life will take for the best.
But, this also means you will have to choose to change yourself consciously although change is actually scary. It is only a few sets of people that get to undertake it without having any deep thoughts or a second thought about it.
Furthermore, in such situations, change means getting some form of help for undertaking a newer approach in your life and not the old ways you are used to. Most times, this may entail linking up with a therapist for a psychotherapy session.
Moreover, a therapist can assist with nearly everything that ranges from learning how to communicate better and clearly with every other person down to transforming major aspects of your personality to aid in making you a much better person.
Meanwhile, even if it turns out that the issue lies with you, you can always address it. Have it in mind that, the change will not take the form of a psychiatric meditation even though medications can assist with symptoms linked to your underlying issues.
A change will only occur when you have the conscious effort to improve on yourself. But, if carrying this out by yourself will not make any difference, you can turn to an expert therapist or any mental health expert.
How To Tell The Difference Suggesting You Are The Problem
Some signs that you can make use of to tell the difference which suggests that you are actually the problem includes:
1) EVERYBODY BULLIES YOU
It will be completely amazing if everybody can be super nice at every point in time, but this cannot be a reality for sure. If you are constantly the target of bullies, there may be two reasons why.
On the one hand, it could be that you have traits that these bullies seemingly find attractive and are jealous of, and on the next hand, it may be that you are overly sensitive.
2) YOU ARE ALWAYS FIRED AT WORK
Though we all tend to lose some jobs here and there if you are constantly getting fired there are chances that you are actually doing something wrong.
It may be that you talk back at all of your bosses, you get vexed when you are told to do some task, or your resume late. You should sit and think about the behaviors that may be annoying to your friends or bosses.
3) YOU ARE A CONSTANT VICTIM
Similar to the issue of bullying, being the victim of such illegitimate discrimination is quite possible. Though it happens, it is not something that happens at all times.
If you are always overlooked when it comes down to promotions at work as a result of your gender or your race then that is a different issue. But if not, there are chances that you are only making excuses for certain attributes or skills that you are lacking.
4) YOU ARE ALWAYS IN TROUBLE FOR THINGS EVERYONE GETS AWAY WITH
When you start getting picked for the littlest of things at work that even the smallest colleague gets away with, it may mean that your manager is not happy with your work and rather than managing your work, she or he wants to manage the simpler things such as dress code or even attendance.
To Wrap It Up
When it comes down to our problems and how it affects others, most of the time, we want to believe that everyone else is the problem and should take responsibility except us.
Nonetheless, with this article, you should try searching deep within yourself if you are the problem or the people around you are actually the problem.
But the beautiful part about life is that you get to decide how you want to evolve. Don’t be hard on yourself because you’re human, and it is okay :)
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